讲解人 · Jamie
原文
We may complain about another person’s arrogance, ignorance or stupidity, without ever considering the enormous flaws that they may find in our characters.
Here are three lessons to avoid being an accidental frenemy.
Avoid the illusion of transparency
Each of us is trapped in our own minds, but we overestimate how well others can read our emotional state — a phenomenon that is sometimes known as the illusion of transparency.
This common cognitive error may also prevent us from sharing our appreciation of others, giving them the impression that they are neglected and undervalued.
Validate others’ feelings (but nudge them to consider new perspectives)
When someone is going through a hard time, they will often naturally seek understanding from others.
An empathetic response can validate their feelings, which eases some of their stress.
Just because we feel sympathy for someone’s pain does not mean that we have to wholeheartedly agree with their interpretation of the situation, however.
The most effective offerings of emotional support will often include encouragement or advice that helps them to see their problems from a new perspective.
Celebrate each other’s successes (and practice confelicity)
Empathy is equally important in the sharing of positive emotions.
Compassion, which derives from the Latin for “shared pain”, is well accepted as the foundation of friendship, but the importance of “confelicity”, deriving from the Latin for “shared happiness”, is much less well-known.
A supportive friend should respond actively and constructively — asking for more information, discussing the implications, and expressing their own joy or pride.
带着问题听讲解
- 如何理解文中的单词 frenemy？
- 根据文章，什么是“透明度错觉”？
- 根据文章，如何避免成为“有毒”的朋友？
讲解
重点词汇
toxic
/ˈtɑːk.sɪk/
adj. 恶劣的，恶毒的；有毒的，引起中毒的
- 搭配短语：toxic chemicals/gases/substances搭配短语：a toxic work environment
- 同义短语：a very unpleasant work environment
搭配短语：a toxic friendship
notoriously
/ˌnoʊˈtɔːr.i.əs.li/
adv. 声名狼藉地；臭名昭著地
- 英文释义：in a way that is well known for being bad例句：The local bus service is notoriously unreliable.相关词汇：notorious（adj. 声名狼藉的；臭名昭著的）
- 搭配短语：be notorious for (doing) sth.
- 搭配短语：an area notorious for drugs, crime and violence
inept
/ɪˈnɛpt/
adj. 缺乏技巧的；无能的；笨拙的
- 搭配短语：socially inept搭配短语：be inept at (doing) sth.
- 例句：I was completely inept at sports.
ignorance
/ˈɪɡ.nər.əns/
n. 无知
- 例句：Ignorance is bliss.
frenemy
/ˈfrɛn.ə.mi/
n. 友敌，腹黑友
- 英文释义：a person who pretends to be your friend but is in fact an enemy例句：In the office, she had a frenemy who would compliment her work to her face but criticize it to others.
trap
/træp/
v. 使落入险境；使陷入困境
- 例句：They were trapped in the burning building.例句：She was trapped in an unhappy marriage.词性拓展：trap（n. 陷阱）
- 例句：They set traps to catch the mice.
- 例句：They tended to view marriage as a trap.
cognitive
/ˈkɑːɡ.nə.tɪv/
adj. 认知的；感知的
- 英文释义：relating to the mental process involved in knowing, learning, and understanding things.例句：As children grow older, their cognitive processes become sharper.搭配短语：cognitive psychology
undervalued
/ˌʌndərˈvæl.juːd/
adj. 被低估的，被轻视的
- 词根词缀：under-（不足；未）词根词缀：value（v. 重视，珍视）相关词汇：undervalue（v. 低估；轻视）
- 例句：Many companies deal with their female employees in a way that undervalues them.
validate
/ˈvæl.ɪ.deɪt/
v. 承认（某人）的价值，认同（某人的感受或观点）；证实，确认
- 搭配短语：validate a hypothesis（v. 证实，确认）例句：Be sure to validate your child's feelings — don't minimize them.（v. 承认（某人）的价值，认同（某人的感受或观点））例句：Talking with people who think like you helps validate your feelings.（v. 承认（某人）的价值，认同（某人的感受或观点））
nudge
/nʌdʒ/
v. 鼓励，劝说；轻推，轻触
- 英文释义：to push somebody gently especially with your elbow, in order to get their attention例句：He nudged me and whispered, "Look who's just come in."（v. 轻推，轻触）搭配短语：nudge sb. into/towards sth.（v. 鼓励，劝说）
- 例句：We're trying to nudge them towards a practical solution.
搭配短语：nudge sb. to do sth.- 例句：I nudged my friend to exercise regularly.
perspective
/pərˈspekt.ɪv/
n. 观点；视角
- 近义词：viewpoint/point of view搭配短语：perspective on sth.
- 例句：My grandmother has a surprisingly modern perspective on life.
搭配短语：from a … perspective- 例句：Try to see the issue from a different perspective.
搭配短语：from the perspective of sb./sth.搭配短语：from my perspective- 近义表达：I think
empathetic
/ˌɛm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/
adj. 善解人意的，有同感的
- 相关词汇：empathy（n. 同感；共鸣；同情）
- 英文释义：the ability to understand another person’s feelings, experience, etc.
- 例句：She has great empathy with people.
例句：She is an empathetic person, always able to understand the feelings of others.
ease
/iz/
v.（使）减轻；缓解
- 相关词汇：easy（adj. 简单的）例句：Painkillers can help ease the pain.例句：The massage helped to ease the tension in her shoulders.
wholeheartedly
adv. 倾注全部心血地
- 搭配短语：serve the people wholeheartedly
interpretation
/ɪnˌtɝːr.pɹəˈteɪ.ʃən/
n. 解释；解读
- 例句：We did not agree with his interpretation of the results.近义词：explanation例句：Analysis and interpretation is a very personal thing.
offering
/ˈɔː.fɚ.ɪŋ/
n. 礼物，礼品；供物，祭品
- 相关词汇：offer（v. 提供）例句：She brought a bouquet of flowers as an offering to her.搭配短语：a sacrificial offering
confelicity
/kən.fəˈlɪs.ə.ti/
n. 共同的快乐；同喜
- 词根词缀：con-（共同、一起）词根词缀：felicity（n. 幸福、快乐）
- 近义词：happiness
- 搭配短语：domestic felicity
derive
/dɪˈraɪv/
v.（词）由（某词，通常是外来词）派生
- 例句：The word Easter derives from Eostre, the pagan goddess of spring.搭配短语：be derived from
- 例句：The word "politics" is derived from a Greek word meaning "city".
implication
/ˌɪmp.lɪˈkeɪ.ʃən/
n.（可能的）影响，结果
- 例句：What are the implications of the new policies?
